Love and Relationships: Anti-Labels

We live in an era of branding, labeling, slogan-ing, identifying, and trying to fit in even when we purposely stand out: an age of individualism, but where you want that individualism to be called something. A period where having no identity is an ‘identity’.  A dispensation of ‘me’, my way. A time of “I want to do XYZ because I like it, but just because I do XYZ doesn’t mean I am an XYZ-er.” We are beings who seek to belong, even when not belonging…is ‘belonging’ to something. Weird, huh? Well, welcome to the Genesis of the ANTI-LABEL era.

In fashion, labels are crucial. That’s what sets Versace jeans apart from Arrow Jeans. It tells you what runway that garment should be on, how it should function on the runway and who should take it home. But, without these labels, could you really tell if a sweater is made by Hermes or DKNY? And either way, isn’t the sweater fulfilling the same basic function? — keeping you warm on a cold day. So, really, when it all comes down to it, how important are labels? Can we survive without them? Could you function effectively without being labeled? Wouldn’t it be a little more fun just to exist… live even, without a ‘tag’, without an ‘identity’, without an ‘ISO 9000’, without being forced into one group and subsequently being stereotyped according to ‘outsiders’ perception of who you are? I believe it would! And that’s the way the world is heading now: Anti-labels!

Gay, straight, lesbian, bisexual, top, bottom, versatile, bi-curious, transsexual, transvestite, butch, fem, stud, passive, active, boyfriend, girlfriend, dating, fooling-around, husband, wife, mistress, life-partner, civil-union, lovers, play-mates, and f`@@k-buddies are just some of the labels we ascribe to ourselves in hope of making things ‘easier’. But does it really make things easier or does just complicate the whole game? – One way to find out, huh?

So, two people managed to rise above the disco smoke of a dance floor and found each other at a party while sipping on their cocktails; began seeing each other and sharing lazy lunches, candle lit dinners, romantic French films, walks on the beach, Cherry Blossom BBQs, bowls of ramen, Christmas, New Year, and maybe a birthday, but the minute one of these individuals asks, ‘’So, where are things going? Are we in a relationship?’’, things start to spiral out of control. Is it that in a weird quasi-universe, the absence of a label ensures security? Is it that the whole ‘free agents of the universe’ have some weight to it? But there might be some truth in that! Is it that a label applies pressure and people start to ‘freak out’ whenever they are labeled? What’s the deal? Or maybe, just maybe when two persons find each other and are so connected that they do not need a marketing department to come in and brand the uniqueness that they share, but rather live freely as two connected agents of the universe and allow themselves to ‘’see where things go’’ and by going there together, they would both know that they are ‘’on their way’’ and when they have arrived ‘’there’’, they would know that ‘’they have arrived’’, label-less-ly!

Growing up in a religious household with a mother who had Jesus on speed dial; a father who DIDN’T; a brother who hated my guts for one reason or the other; and a society that demands you to be on ONE SIDE of the ‘fence’ and stick to it, I believed that things were either ‘black or white’: gay or straight; top or bottom; butch or fem; Bob Marley or Cher; Obama or Bush; Christians or sinners; meat or fish; night or day; crazy or sane. But the older I got I realized that a ‘black or white’ universe is a boring one, a narrow-minded approach to existence, a limited belief structure. As you embark upon the ‘rainbow-shaded gray’ areas, you realize that that’s where LIFE is and that’s where the citizens of Anti-label planet dwell. On this planet, one can afford to dabble here and there in the ‘rainbow-shaded gray’ area without having to give up their ‘’citizenship’ on earth and be forced to be labeled as ‘ALIENS’. But rather feel free to indulge in the splendors of the ‘planet’.

But honestly, I lift my Phillip Treacy hat (the designer who makes Sarah Jessica Parker hats) to our Asian friends who live a little closer to Anti-label planet than most people. These are the guys who don’t even bother to affix a brand to themselves, but happily indulge in any shade the rainbow has to offer. And needless to say, they know how to indulge…(lolololol…)

Wouldn’t it be such a wonderful world if we had no ‘identity’, no stereotypes, no pre-conceived notions, no expectations, no hang-ups, but just allow ourselves to love, live, experience life and all the different flavors and splendor that it has to offer, label-less-ly? I would be first in line! J