Book Review: Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother

It may be the year of the dragon, but Amy Chua, Tiger Mother, is still lingering in the spotlight. Last year, her bestselling book on Chinese parenting, Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother, created uproar after an excerpt was published in The Wall Street Journal, and angry parents railed against her controversial parenting style. Ms. Chua’s criticism of “Western” softness and her glorification of extremist “Chinese” parenting strategies quickly made her one of the most hated people in America. American parents were outraged and horrified that this mother from Illinois was suggesting a superior method of child rearing that included depriving children of play dates, sleepovers, and the freedom to choose their own extra-curricular activities!

Admittedly, I found myself grimacing as Ms. Chua described screaming herself hoarse during hours-long music practice sessions with her daughters, Sophia and Lulu, or when she threatened to burn all of Sophia’s stuffed animals if she didn’t get her piano piece perfect the next time. (In interviews she claims she was trying to make fun of herself with these quips.) Reading about Ms. Chua manically searching for a practice studio and disrupting the family vacation in Europe so that neither daughter would miss a single day of practicing suggested to me that the woman was mentally unstable. And when she rejected the homemade birthday cards the girls had made for her because they were not up to snuff, I was asking myself why am I still reading this?

Then, slowly the voodoo magic started to happen. I found myself respecting Ms. Chua for her dedication to her daughters’ success. I found myself wishing I had had a Tiger Mother. My own mother was and is a big softie. I was raised on Little Debbie snacks and Nickelodeon. She probably broke all of the Tiger Mother rules. I cannot tell you how many times I heard “You can be anything you want to be,” and how few times I heard the word “No,” during my childhood. My mother was successful at making me feel loved and giving me confidence, but she was no Tiger Mother. She enrolled me in dance lessons and gymnastics, signed me up for softball and Campfire, and found me the best piano and art teachers we could afford in our little town.

Within a few years (sometimes a few days) I had quit them all. My mother never wanted to make me do something I didn’t want to do so she had left the decisions to me, a lazy child with thoughts of playing outside or watching TV on the brain. My mother never told me she was disappointed in my choices, but looking back I wish she had. I have always intrinsically wanted to do well, but after reading Battle Hymn I was asking myself what if I had been pushed to do my best?

One thing that cannot be disputed is that the Tiger Mother way seems to have worked with at least one of Ms. Chua’s daughters. The oldest, Sophia, gave a concert in her early teens at the prestigious concert venue Carnegie Hall, and is now enrolled at an Ivy League university. Lulu is a different story, and well, it is really her story that her mother is telling.

There are plenty of manuals on how to be a parent, but this book isn’t one of them. Battle Hymn is a memoir which tells of a mother relentlessly following old cultural traditions in a modern era and being surprised at the outcome. Ms. Chua’s story forced me to reflect on my life here in Japan and my sometimes stubborn approach to cultural differences. Amongst all of the controversy and craziness in the Tiger Mother tale, I found redemption in learning to develop fresh cultural perspectives.  It is what happens after you read Battle Hymn that makes it really worth reading.

This wasn’t the best book of 2011 or anything, but it really challenged my way of thinking and was just extremely entertaining in a daytime talk show sort of way. If you are inclined to always choose books because they align with your way of thinking or you are living abroad surrounded by a culture different from your own, this book is for you. If you just want to know what the Tiger Mother buzz is all about, I recommend grabbing a copy. You may find yourself frustrated and angry with Ms. Chua or you might find yourself totally convinced your own mother had it all wrong. Either way, you will have to read to find out!