Love and Relationships: Karma

Karma…

Karma! Is she always a bitch? One would think that Karma is always lurking in the shadows just waiting for you to make a mistake or do something ‘bad’; and when you have, Karma waits for the most ‘appropriate’ time to ‘get you back’ for what you did days/weeks/months/years ago. But is it that Karma is always ‘getting’ us or does she do good deeds, too? While I always ascribe thoughts about Karma to the Fortune Cookie School of Psychology, I have often wondered, does a string of bad dates, bad relationships, bad friendships, bad sex, bad guys, really equal one good one? And will treating someone badly in one relationship ensure that you will be treated badly in the next? Does everything that goes around really come back around? And if so, will it come back to bite you in the ass? — Is there such a thing as relationship Karma?

Our Indian friends believe that Karma is the concept of ‘action’ or ‘deed’, understood as that which causes the entire cycle of cause and effect. According to the Hindu scholars, Karma is not punishment or retribution but simply an extended expression or consequence of natural acts. So, Karma means ‘deed’ or ‘act’ and more broadly names the universal principle of cause and effect [there goes my luck…LOL], action and reaction, that governs all life. The effects experienced can also be mitigated by actions [I wonder what could these ‘actions’ be….hmmmm mmm] and are not necessarily fated. That is to say, a particular action now [cheating on your boyfriend] is not binding to some particular, pre-determined future experience [being cheated on by your man] or reaction [he leaves you for someone else]; it is not a simple, one-to-one correspondence of reward or punishment. Karma is not fate, for humans act with free will creating their own destinies. According to the Vedas (a body of text originated in India) if one sows goodness, one will reap goodness; if one sows evil, one will reap evil. Karma is the totality of our actions and their associated reactions in this and previous lives, all of which determine our future. The conquest of Karma lies in intelligent action and dispassionate response.

So, with all this mumbo-jumbo floating around in my head, I start to think of allllllllllllllllllll {it’s not that many…} my past relationships and how Karma has impacted them. Now, thanks to the Hindus I am getting some well sought after answers. Damn!

Then, it is safe to assume that all the ass-holes I have dated and that have treated me badly, they were ALL my fault. Were they? Well, according to the Hindu guys, they were. If relationship Karma does exist, it would mean all my past failed relationships were in fact caused by some evil deed that I had done before and now Miss Karma is coming back to bite me at the most inappropriate time. So, the saying that Karma is such a bitch is so right!! And the Hindus have the gall to say that Karma is not punishment but a consequence of our natural acts. What could I have done to have made these guys treat me so badly? What could I have done to have been cheated on with my close friend? What could I have done to have been disrespected? Well, it must be something awful like wearing white after Labor Day; autumn colors in spring; a two seasons’ old loafer to a party or having a cocktail before twelve noon. I just don’t get it!

But I think the Hindus realized that something was wrong with this theory, because they claim that Karma is not fated and one can do ‘things’ to mitigate the ‘consequences’ of Karma. I sit here and I wonder, what are these ‘things’ I needed to have done to mitigate the tons of times Karma took a big bite out of my ass? Should I have been more ‘understanding’? Should I have laid down even flatter while I allowed him to walk all over me [in cheap shoes]? Or, maybe when he told me he was married and he introduced me as his ‘English Teacher’ I should have said, “No, you are a liar. Speak the truth. We are fucking!” Who knows what I should have done. But, now I know that I need to be one step ahead of Miss Karma. She bites too hard!

So, if Miss Karma ‘punishes’ us for our bad deeds, does she also ‘reward’ us for our good deeds? If that were the case, why are we constantly looking for a good partner when we have been faithful, honest and true to a relationship, but in return got nothing worthy of it? Like I said before, the Vedas promised us that if we sow good seeds, we will reap good seeds. Well, I don’t know about you, but I have been sowing some good seeds, yet getting nothing but evil in return. Is Miss Karma in a coma? Well, if so, it’s best for her to wake the hell up before someone comes looking for her!!

Am I the only one who is pissed at Karma? Or, are you afraid to get angry with her because she might just send some ‘Ju-ju’ your way? Well, I am a bad ass bitch and I am not afraid [I feel secure knowing that my Mom is constantly praying for me…lol]. I need to look Karma in the eyes and ask her:-

“Where the hell were you when I was being faithful, loving, honest and supportive and his ass was making a fool of himself, and then you had it so that after I left him, he could find another innocent victim to torment? Shouldn’t he have ended up with some toad that doesn’t turn into a prince, but instead turns into a bitchier dragon?”

“What happens to the countless number of people who believed in you for your good ‘work’ and wished that you could operate speedily, effectively and without prejudice, but instead realized that you are afraid of some people and only choose to be a bitch when it’s convenient to you?”

“Where do you turn when you need to reconcile your punishment/reward balances in order to predict your future?”

Karma! That lady [don’t ask me why, but I think she is a lesbian] who thinks she knows what she is doing and keeps on cutting the wrong people all the slacks, but finds time to work me over, EVERYTIME!

For the Armani Exchange sweater you were wearing when you caught him cheating…. $150. For the Kenneth Cole loafer… $300. For the dinner you prepared… $90. For the look on his face because you know that Karma might just be nice to you and will get him, price-less! For everything else, there is your crazy mother waiting on the porch with the gun!